Aaremin’s Table

This week I lost my fur baby, my familiar, my Xander.  He’s always been our special boy from the time he was a wee kitten.  His broken leg, the infection that almost went into his bones, his specialized surgery on his wee nether regions that never developed the same way, his leg that never grew with the rest of him as a result.  Right down to his liver that was too small for him which is why we lost him.  Desert Vet Clinic here locally is the BEST, they worked with us, they did everything they could for him, and seeing even just a tech start to cry when we showed up to pick up his ashes well..  He wasn’t just special to us.

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We rescued him, and his sister.  He saw our lives change when we moved.  He went from being a little gimpy dove hunter to an indoor cat who was my special baby.  He came to me when I was sad, he was there when I did ritual.  He slept with us, he watched tv with us.  He welcomed Masuka when my darling brought home a kitten he found at the motel.  My Xander was so strong right up until the end.  We visited him before the end, and he meowed just once.  I know now he was not saying goodbye, he was saying until next time.

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He’s not the first cat we’ve lost since I’ve came to be with my darling.  Some have disappeared.  A few have passed and have been buried on family ground.  Two are on our permanent cat altar.  But Xander has been different.  I have never mourned like I have for him.  I’ve felt so lost since the day we had to make that call for him not to suffer any more.  I tried to drown my sorrows, but that didn’t help.   But now we have his ashes home with us.  He’s on our altar, next to the feline Patroness Bastet, and our beloved Tyger and Beth.  And I feel different.  He’s here with me.  This is how I know he was truly my first familiar.  He’s already trying to show me in dreams who he will be the next time he finds us.  So I’ll know.

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We’re already seeing some of his traits in the others.  Abby, his sister who was rescued with him, is sitting on the arms of the furniture, pawing at us like he used to – she’s also crawling into bed with us like he did – something she Never did before.  Chuck and Masuka also doing little things like he did.  And the Grande Dame Mina – the kitty we’ve had the longest, since me and darling have been together, she’s being more affectionate, in a consoling manner it seems.  We’ve seen this before with fur children who’ve passed, some of their traits showing up in others – its quite amazing to see in all reality.

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Our future has some fairly big changes coming, and I wished upon wishes that he could have been here with us while it happened.  But I know he IS actually still with us, and that each step we take forward leads us to finding him again in his new reincarnation.

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I apologize to anyone reading this that my post caused you to be sad over one of your own memories coming forth, but I needed to get this out.  I love my Xander, and even though his physical form is gone for now, he’s never gone from my heart.

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Until I see you again Xander, although I think your next time you will probably be called Alex